White Christmas

White Christmas

As I beckon on the eve of another Christmas and passing year, I like to reflect on events which defined the passing year. It reminds me of one my favourite quotes "The days are long but the years are short". When I made this blog around 2 years ago, I didn't think much of it, but it has been a long and arduous journey and here I am today.

With the days leading up to the festive season, I enjoy playing Michael Buble's Christmas album endlessly, in particular It's beginning to look like Christmas and White Christmas. Those songs really cheer me up and help me look ahead to better things.

I'll be honest, my Christmas expectations fall pretty short compared to those in the movies. Growing up, I never received presents, I had the odd secret santa a few years ago but that's about it. I have never had the feeling of sheer joy by the slow unravelling of wrapping paper which carefully encloses the surprise excitement ready to be opened. It doesn't get me down however, I think the most important thing during these festive times is spending it with family and friends, even though sometimes you can feel unappreciated.

Back to the family topic, presents was never really my shining point during these times, so I looked on the positive side and realised the bigger picture, everyone sitting at the dinner table together. For the first eleven months of the year, I have plans with family consistently cancelled because of their "busy schedules", with Christmas at least everyone shows up, there should really be no reason not to come.

And that sums up the blog, I would like to thank everyone for reading a summary of my thoughts on Christmas. I hope everyone enjoys these festivities with many friends and families and appreciates everything they receive. "The days are long but the years are short".

Struggle

It's the lugubrious I've ever felt this year, the ambivalent feelings which flow throughout my body perpetuate. The drink in my hand doesn't help me realise how far the car has been parked away from the destination . It's another rainy and dispiriting weekend, the emergency beeper signals constantly throughout the emergency stay room. I cling onto the masquerade which is the emergency room, they try to exude an efficient demeanour however, that despicable room is filled too much with distress and anguish. As I walk through, mangled faces stare back, full of disappointment and sadness, the looks on their faces a cover up for the ominous and arduous night ahead.

As I wheel away trying to control myself, I cross paths with an old acquaintance. The lights are dim, reflective of the mood. I catch up with this old acquaintance, we reminisce on our times together two years ago and how drastically life has changed since then for the both of us. Because he is older, he automatically pertains to giving me advice about the future, and I listen intently carefully trying to ingrain every single bit of useful information, his foreshadows are hard to miss.

As I return to the hospital ward and take a glimpse at the beds, my heart not only dissolves but struggles to survive. I feel a strong heavy burden weighing on my shoulders, a raging sense of regret plaguing on my mind. I can play these same mistakes over and over in my mind, but there is not much I can do to change the past.

Pessimism Exodus Melancholy

Storytelling/ Looking Back/Worries

It's been a very long time since my last blog post a little over a year ago, as I sit back typing mercilessly away at my keyboard, I reminisce on the joys and happiness which I felt, and the sadness and disappointment which has plagued me for the past year. I went through quite a few phases, my world perpetually shifted and shafted beneath my feet as the melancholy which harboured my insecurities steadily overtook my possibly ostentatious ego. I feel as if my best days are soon to be behind me, as the concussion I received in June 2014 will soon bring about my demise and slip me away into a precarious situation, which will then leave me as to no use in the world. Once the feeling of my existence beings to rot, I shall become a shell of my former self. Already I have denounced onto a stage of self-loathing and lethargy, my mind can't comprehend the direness of my situation, one day my brash and zealous nature will be no more, only to be left as a mere mortal, ceasing to exist.

"Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different"-C.S Lewis

I adore this quote, it truly resonates the inner feelings, as I being my descent and spiral downwards fall, the quote makes me realise to cherish the better days, so take away something from this post. Always treasure the days of happiness, you never know when it will be your last.

Touche Touche

Finally, I do admit that I have neglected this blog, as I so promised to work on, with my biggest lapse yet. I have let disappointed not only my followers, but indefinitely myself. As a child, I frequently waited for Youtube content creators to publish new videos, and the ones who seldom or took regular intermissions, I loathed and vowed to never become, however, it's funny how things always take a turn. Parting words, I do not promise any new blog posts, this may or may not be my last, I just want everyone to know, it has been one good ride guys.