Struggle

It's the lugubrious I've ever felt this year, the ambivalent feelings which flow throughout my body perpetuate. The drink in my hand doesn't help me realise how far the car has been parked away from the destination . It's another rainy and dispiriting weekend, the emergency beeper signals constantly throughout the emergency stay room. I cling onto the masquerade which is the emergency room, they try to exude an efficient demeanour however, that despicable room is filled too much with distress and anguish. As I walk through, mangled faces stare back, full of disappointment and sadness, the looks on their faces a cover up for the ominous and arduous night ahead.

As I wheel away trying to control myself, I cross paths with an old acquaintance. The lights are dim, reflective of the mood. I catch up with this old acquaintance, we reminisce on our times together two years ago and how drastically life has changed since then for the both of us. Because he is older, he automatically pertains to giving me advice about the future, and I listen intently carefully trying to ingrain every single bit of useful information, his foreshadows are hard to miss.

As I return to the hospital ward and take a glimpse at the beds, my heart not only dissolves but struggles to survive. I feel a strong heavy burden weighing on my shoulders, a raging sense of regret plaguing on my mind. I can play these same mistakes over and over in my mind, but there is not much I can do to change the past.

Pessimism Exodus Melancholy

Storytelling/ Looking Back/Worries

It's been a very long time since my last blog post a little over a year ago, as I sit back typing mercilessly away at my keyboard, I reminisce on the joys and happiness which I felt, and the sadness and disappointment which has plagued me for the past year. I went through quite a few phases, my world perpetually shifted and shafted beneath my feet as the melancholy which harboured my insecurities steadily overtook my possibly ostentatious ego. I feel as if my best days are soon to be behind me, as the concussion I received in June 2014 will soon bring about my demise and slip me away into a precarious situation, which will then leave me as to no use in the world. Once the feeling of my existence beings to rot, I shall become a shell of my former self. Already I have denounced onto a stage of self-loathing and lethargy, my mind can't comprehend the direness of my situation, one day my brash and zealous nature will be no more, only to be left as a mere mortal, ceasing to exist.

"Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different"-C.S Lewis

I adore this quote, it truly resonates the inner feelings, as I being my descent and spiral downwards fall, the quote makes me realise to cherish the better days, so take away something from this post. Always treasure the days of happiness, you never know when it will be your last.

Touche Touche

Finally, I do admit that I have neglected this blog, as I so promised to work on, with my biggest lapse yet. I have let disappointed not only my followers, but indefinitely myself. As a child, I frequently waited for Youtube content creators to publish new videos, and the ones who seldom or took regular intermissions, I loathed and vowed to never become, however, it's funny how things always take a turn. Parting words, I do not promise any new blog posts, this may or may not be my last, I just want everyone to know, it has been one good ride guys.

The Hunger

THE HUNGER

My recent exam results have made one thing abundantly clear, I need to get to the top. This is definitely no easy feat, only one person out of a hundred-and-twenty can obtain this dream of being the top. The feeling you get when you beat more than twenty people is amazing, put it in this selfish way,  other people have invested time and you have triumphed to prize something that they desire.

Always Down Below

It is so conspicuous to not only myself but also to my maths teacher, I am just not cutting it, being down at the bottom of the barrel is a crushing feeling. The feeling of last place is something I have vivid memories about. The reminiscent feeling of when everyone gets their test marks back and mine is the lowest, questions coupled with undermining starts taking place and mild paranoia occurs. Sure, there are at least a handful of students who disdain the worth of getting good grades in school however even they would feel at least a tiny bit of dismay when receiving news that they are the lowest.

My Story

 Honestly, if you guys haven't already figured out, I am very very competitive. Losing to me is like taking a bullet to the chest, the pain is unbearable. So in class we get our results back, one of the most excruciating,agonizing ways to return test marks is one by one, highest to lowest. The premonition of being one of the last marks called is just crushing.

Next Blog

My next blog is going to be about something that has been bothering me for a long time now, really need to get this off my chair. The mental scars are still open and the wound is still fresh ,constantly licked but to no avail.

Thank you guys for reading this short catch-up and I will see you guys very very soon!

Change in Equivalency

Change

The Change that happened to me?

Change is defined by google as "make or become different". Something different that happened to me this year, my school. It has been a rough road but here are some ways I adapted.

Disconnected From The Past

Firstly one of the saddest things that came with my movement is the loss of former friendships. I hardly talked to any of my former friends for the first few months and still only keep up with about five percent of them. I became really good friends with one former classmate which I thought was going to last a decade, sadly I haven't heard from him in a very long time. I guess that is one of the sorrowful truths about change, things move out in your universe and then new things orbit you.

New Perspective

This move has really opened my perspective on the outside world. Almost all the moves I watch have something that befuddles up the story line and makes change, this probably happens in real life as well. This "change" has made me realise and given me a sip of life in the outside world. The outside world has been depicted as a very "cruel and mean place" (Rocky Balboa reference) and I guess this is just one of the sad truths I have to deal with.

Not All Smooth Sailing

My time at my new school hasn't been all been smooth sailing. There have definitely been a lot of tricky times but that's expected in almost any situation. Currently I have been undermined thoroughly by a lot of doubters including teachers. Last fortnight when I found out I didn't get the school captaincy, I was scarred mentally which scarcely, still remains.

Moving In And Out 

Every day this specific question pops into my mind, was the move worth it? Most days I would have to say yes but I do sometimes feel a little bit empty turning my back on the place that raised me throughout my junior years. I made a lot of special bonds there including a many memories, it is fairly similar to Lebron James moving back to Cleveland. A better opportunity and a greater challenge was presented so I fled on my horse. I can not lie however, I must admit that there are many times throughout the day where I reminisce  about the past, sometimes I do feel like going back but only for a day.

Where Have I Been?

Where Have You Been Bobby?

It has been a really long time since my last blog post. I think first a lot of things need to be cleared

1. I am sorry for my lack of posts.

2. I have been lazy.

3. Adjusting to new school has been difficult but at the same time time-consuming and amazing.

4. No I have not disappeared off the face of the earth

Now let us not beat the bush. Straight up reason why there hasn't been a lot of posts lately is the lack of motivation. I wrote quite a few articles last year and felt burnt out, and then when I had to "change" it took a bit of time adjusting. Currently I am in a good mental shape and once exams are over and holidays come rolling in so will the blog posts! 

I would like to thank my loyal followers for sticking with me, I appreciate every single on of you's and care deeply all for your well-being. Please feel free to message me, anyways take care everyone, new article will be out before the end of the week on how I am doing and my wellbeing!

Writers Block

Writers Block

Since my last post I have been suffering with material. I am very sorry for the lack of posts however I just could not think. I thought my other 40 or so post would keep you entertained for a while so I did not really bother with updating. However now I am back and have a lot of ideas flowing. Thank you for the patience and take care. :)

The "Envy" Feeling

Envying Successors 


While I was speaking with my cousin we got into a riveting conversation. We discussed what it would be like to have a plethora of success. Sadly however we came to the conclusion that having success would just lead to a bucketful of hate.

Have you played Flappy Bird yet? If so then the news of it being taken down a weeks after its breakthrough would be no surprise. In this world no one would enjoy being a hated figure however what the inventor of flappy bird has received is saddening. All he wanted was to create a game for people to enjoy however sadly it hasn't gone the way he would've imagined.

Lets picture sports teams. I love my sports and teams that always win do not get a liking from me. I hate winners unless they are Chelsea or Barcelona. I am pretty sure everyone loves a good underdog. A team that will give everything they got for just a little extra until they finally prevail. However I think what I have been blinded by is the fact that it's not luck or referees it is my failed opinion to recognize the skill in which winners have.

Everyone loves to win who doesn't but its when you win too much others start to envy you. Yet what people do not realize is that it is your dedication and hard training that gets you too success. A few years ago I wouldn't say congratulations whenever my friends got an entry into some State Sport selection and believed that If I had there resources I would be in the national team by now. However it was my conceitedness that made me think that way but now I realize that other people work hard to get where they want too be.

Anyways I guess that wraps up the article. If you have any questions please leave a comment down below and till next time.